Friday, November 14, 2008
Rachel's story - i'm in hospital
I want to write briefly today just to inform everyone that I have been hospitalized. That's the reason that I have not written for the past two weeks. Only now do I have access to a computer. I feel like I cannot trust my own mind these days; many times my thoughts are not realistic, accurate or at all positive. But I think it's a good sign that at least I'm able to recognize this. I am fighting hard and am hoping to be back soon, sharing my experience in an effort to feel less lonely and help others feel less lonely too.
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14 comments:
Hi Rachel
Glad to see you back here. I am sure many people are helped by reading your blogs. It's amazing to see the insight and understanding you have of yourself.
Deb
thanks, Deb.
how are you, Melba?
I am doing okay Rachel.
I am still struggling with mood issues and now wondering about the possibility of a mis diagnosis. Of all the meds I have been on, they work for a time and then are ineffective. I may be overanalizing the situation. Then my PDOC is really hard to get into see.
Sorry rambling thoughts again.
Hope things are getting better for you.
Melba
Hi Melba,
i have been in this position many times and though it frustrating because i keep thinking they'll come up with some magic solution to all my troubles if only they had the correct diagnosis, as long as they are treating the syptoms - THAT'S the main thing.
Rachel:
I can empathize with your illness. For me its GAD/anxiety. I have never taken time away from work, but may soon have to. I feel the stigma, but it shouldn't be so.
Hang in!
Hi Herman;
I also have not taken much time other than the odd sick day. I feel guilty about leaving work. I did get tagged for taking too many sick days last year although we do not have a sick day limit. I felt so stigmatized. I don't think employers get how hard it is to struggle with our issues. Their answer always seems to be take time off but it is not that simple.
we can only support each other because I don't feel we can get it too often from the community at large.
Take good care everyone.
Hello Melba11:
I am having great struggles these days, and will be taking at least 3 months off. Right now my struggles seem to be overwhelming. I'm not sure why I was put together this way, but it has always been there. I am kind of "in the closet" so to speak as only my family knows why I am taking leave. I am getting good support from wife and family. I am scared because this is the first time I've taken leave for this. if your own struggles have been like mine then I can truely know how you feel.
Take care.
Does anyone ever feel an intense numbness that someone really bad is going to happen?
I have had this numb feelings before but for some reason I am having real struggles with this right now and I don't know what is going to happen.
I am at a bit of a crossroads now in terms of therapy and medication.
Maybe this is it.
Wow! I can't tell you what a thrill it gives me to see everyone sharing in this forum! Meanwhile, I am experiencing a bit of "cabin fever" in the hospital as I begin week five of treatment. I hope to at least begin my blogging again this week though....
Herman, thank you for your words of encouragement. Anxiety plays a big part of the symptoms of manic depression for me, so i can definitely relate (I have had panic attacks, for example).
Wishing everyone my best,
Rachel
Hi Rachel
Nice to hear from you.
Take care
Melba
Hi Rachel:
Hope you are starting to feel better. I am glad you made the decision to admit yourself to hospital and take care of yourself. Taking care of yourself is the most important thing you can do.
I was insprired to get involved with mental health 10 years ago when my best friend, a young woman your age, passed away from an illness similar to yours. Kim was extremely bright, loved life but fell into deep and prolonged depressions would come out of them and then go back into them weeks or months later without any reason.
Her suicide was a mistake she made, she would have been thrilled to see the work I am doing with mental health (I am working with my good friend Daniel Alfredsson and the ROH foundation on mental health).
I have been insprired by the great work work done at the ROH, at their research insitute and by the care givers at the ROH, truly amazing people. There has been significant progress made since she past away, their is real hope to treat and manage depression with proper medications and treatment. You are doing the right thing.
Remember that it is very difficult for anyone who is in their depression to feel their is hope of getting better, always remember you will improve and come out of it.
I have also been dismayed by the many difficulties people in need of help are encountering, something we will be working on to improve.
I look forward to reading about your progress.
All the best,
Bill
Hi Rachel, thought I'd also add a note of thanks to you also, and also some words of encouragement as Bill just did in the comment above.He made an EXTREMELY IMPORTANT point with regards to the fact that anyone who has never suffered from deep depression MUST be educated and reminded about.As I also know all too well, when we do slip into depression, we do lose HOPE and our loved ones and friends may say "Don't give up HOPE,we may not always hear it or believe it.This is just my experience though, but I think it applies to more than just myself. BUT, our loved ones must please never stop saying that all important word of HOPE! When we do start to pull out of our depression, it's an awfully nice word to keep hearing, as it helps us knowing that there ARE people there to SUPPORT and HELP us. I also want to say to you that YOU ARE HELPING others by writing as you have, are, and I know you will continue to do, when YOU DO get better, and YOU WILL!! Larry
Hi Bill,
Thanks for your kind and thoughtful message. What an honour you are doing for your dear friend Kim by working on behalf of mental health with Daniel Alfredsson.
It's definitely a struggle to feel that I cannot trust my own mind at times. I don't know how to explain it to people sufficiently. My writing/words cannot possibly capture my true, vivid experience the way I live it, in all its pain, loneliness and sometimes even terror.
This forum provides me with so much hope. I love the way people are able to speak openly and depend on each other for support. Your message meant so much to me and gave me so much encouragement. Thanks again,
Rachel
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