Over the past couple of weeks I have caught my mood slipping a little bit. I am beginning to wonder if this is at all seasonal (as this is exactly what happened last year at this time: it started in September, snowballed in October, and I ended up in hospital in November). I think it’s a really positive sign that I caught my mood slipping. I was able to recognize the signs this year really early and tell my doctor. Therefore, he raised my medication and I thought all would be well! But things are never quite that simple; I have developed an allergic reaction to the medication when at a higher dose. And this will doubtlessly mean more trial and error to find another medication to take its place.
That’s one major difference between being hospitalized and not: when I was an inpatient my doctor put me on and off different meds very quickly because I was in the safe environment of the hospital, under the constant supervision of the nursing staff. As an outpatient, the process is much slower, taking weeks at a time to test one single medication. I keep telling myself to be patient and that we’ll eventually find the right combination of meds, but sometimes it’s hard to believe. Those are the times when I feel especially lucky to have some amazing, HOPEFUL people in my life (because they keep believing in me and for me)! Many of those people spent hours visiting me at the Royal when I was an inpatient, encouraging me with compassion, understanding and hope through my roughest times and I am very grateful.
