Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Rachel's Story - Difficult Time of Year

For some of us who are suffering from depression and/or anxiety, the holidays can be a very difficult time of year. The extra socializing and shopping in crowded malls only serve to heighten our anxieties. Seeing other people enjoying themselves at holiday parties while we are feeling desperately sad on the inside only serves to deepen our sadness (I always feel somehow inadequate that I can’t seem to join in on the holiday fun). Just remember, you are not alone. And try and do something for yourself EVERY day. You’ll get through it!


Anonymous said...

I have the same problem. Nobody understands me and what I go through and how I feel.People can't fathom the idea that you may not want anything to do with the holidays, because I really do hate them.Strong word hate is, but I do, and people accuse me of ruining things for them

Melba11 said...

Hi Rachel and Anonymous

Finally someone understands me and how I am feeling.

I keep putting a smile on my face and faking it hoping that the cheer will get through to my inner core and cure my deep secrets.

I am going on a medical leave from work.. things have gotten so bad.
Today my doctor wanted to put me in the hospital... I refused partly because I am in denial of what is going on and the other reason is that I do not want to face being stigmatized.

She will see me in three weeks and we will discuss it again. I am scared....

My appointment at the ROH was disappointing... the diagnosis is inconclusive. I was going to reply to your previous post Rachel and tell you I really wanted a diagnosis so I would have some validation to how I am feeling.

Anonymous said...

melba and rachael, I know that when i was diagnosed, and declared unfit for work, yanked off the job, I FINALLY had my diagnosis, one that said to others, see, I am sick and not well. Nobody believed me and thought i was faking it. BUT, thats when I got so scared, because now, I was suppose to go into hospital too.I begged them to stabilize me with proper medications first to give me a chance because i was terrified of being admitted and what would happen to my career.I was never left alone, and it took close to 3 months for them to stabilize me.All along I had one appt a week with my psychologist to talk, which eventually turned into my first year and a half of intensive therapy to keep me from doing an awful thing to myself, as that was all i could think of doing to get rid of or end my suffering with how I was living.

rachel said...

Hi Melba,

I understand that you want a diagnosis. There is much relief in understanding that you belong to a certain group of people who share similar symptoms.

I have been hospitalized in 3 different psych wards over the past couple of years and I, too, was very scared in the beginning. Scared of the unknown and of being stigmatized. However, looking back now, I realize that being hospitalized was one of the greatest things that could have happened to me. It provided me with a SAFE place to get better and to try different treatment options. It also was a place where I was able to meet many other people going through very similar experiences as me. I am still good friends with a couple of them today. I urge you to consider it as an option and to ask me more about it if you have any other questions. It saved my life.


Melba11 said...

Thanks Rachel and Anonymous

It is a bit scary because I feel I will not be in control.

Are most wards locked?
What kind of treatment do you get? ie groups, individual?

Deep down I think it may be a wise decision for me to consider as I know that I can not continue the way things have been going.

Going off work was a bit of defeat in this regard.

Thanks of all that you do

rachel said...

Hi Melba,

In my experience, it depends. Sometimes wards are locked, sometimes not. In the beginning (the first few days) your freedom is really restricted - you aren't allowed to leave the ward...you are "formed". But once you build some trust with the staff, you gain more and more freedom and are slowly allowed more and more privileges. I was eventually allowed to go home on weekends and in the evenings.

In terms of treatment, there were both group treatment options and individual treatment. There were groups for relaxation, sleep therapy, cognitive behavioural therapy, goal setting, group outings, arts and crafts, etc. Individual treatment included work with nursing staff, a social worker, psychiatrist, occupational therapist, psychologist, nutritionist and medical doctor. They've really got you covered. Some of these things you've got to ask for if they don't offer though.

I agree that it would be wise for you to consider this option if things continue as they have been going. For me, it really helped to speed along my recovery and treatment.

Let me know if you have any other questions.


Anonymous said...

when will you be writing again?i enjoy reading your story

Anonymous said...

Wishing You a Happy & Healthy New Year Rachel and Thank You for sharing Your thoughts, feelings & experience with Bipolar Illness.You are an inspiration.God Bless.

Anonymous said...

I have depression I've tried twice to end my life I am 61 now and on meds I don't feel like they are working I think this med has decrease my weight a lot ,I look older, now I try everyday to hide this but it's hard I just want to leave my house and live with someone else so I don't have to think about myself I hate living alone, I do have children andvgrandkids my kids know the things I've been through and it's embarrassing for me I even have a hard time to enjoy my kids and now I'm off to see my son out of town and my one a half granddaughter and I'm nervous, but I'll do my best to be happy, I'm so tired of living like this looking for happiness, I don't know what to do anymore,I live in a small town and people don't understand mental illness they really don't want to be around you.help what do I do