Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Share your story

Have you been touched by mental illness,
share your story...

(ADD YOUR COMMENT
The Rule: Keep it clean. If you see inappropriate language, e-mail us.)

Posted by Royal Ottawa at 7:02 AM

38 comments:

Anonymous said...

About 5 years ago, I live in a apartment with 2 friends. One of these friends was known to be the nicest person around, the kind of guy that would do anything for anyone, the kind who was always there to pick you up when you were down.

One evening I came home to find police in my living room, he had ended his life. I was in shock... I couldn't believe it, there were no clues, he had never mentioned anything. I wish he had said something I could have helped, listened, been there like he had been for me.

It turns out he didn't want anyone to know, he didn't want people to look at and judge him differently.

Please if anyone out there is feeling this way, don't worry your loved one will always love you and be there for you.

And to my friend we miss you and think of you always.

June 18, 2008 at 7:22 AM
Anonymous said...

I am so sorry of the loss of your friend. Please remember, it was not your fault that he decided to end his life. Mental illness is so complicated. My son has been suffering from depression for a number of years. He keeps searching for "help", to feel "normal", but, so far no one has been able to get him on that track. I know he gets very frustrated and ready to give up. I just pray that he never takes that final step.
For those of you looking for help or needing help, please talk about it, share your pain with your friends and family and call the phone numbers on this site.
Thank you Mr. Alfredsson for stepping up and giving a voice to mental illness. I am sure it will help more than you know.

June 18, 2008 at 3:31 PM
Anonymous said...

My wife was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder early in her adult life. It took some time from her initial diagnosis until she was set up with a proper regime of medications and therapy to address this.

She suffered from a depressive episode early in our relationship, and she was fortunate enough to find a spot in the 3 month program at Holmwood Health Center in Guelph. There wasn't really any help for us in Ottawa while we were waiting for her to enter the program - it would have been great for me to find a program that would simply provide her with a lunch as she would not eat unless I or someone else made her a made. I tried to find some church or municipal program that was not charging a high fee or required a long commitment, but I was unsuccessful.

After her time in Holmwood (we also found out that besides bipolar disorder, my wife also suffered from rage disorder and post traumatic stress disorder) and after being given a new drug regime, she was able to find and hold a job, and lead a productive life.

It is almost easy to forget that she suffers from mental illness, and it is thanks to the mental health professionals who have helped us along the way.

June 18, 2008 at 3:51 PM
Anonymous said...

I have been an outpatient with the ROH for quite some time. I have suffered with mental illness my entire life - 52 years. I have been mis-diagnosed and incorrectly treated however I kept breaking through barriers to receive the help I knew I needed even though I didn’t know what I needed. With the assistance of the ROH and a lot of stick-to-it-ness by myself…I can now say…that I feel the best I have ever felt. Dec 23, 2007 was a turning point for me…..the first day I felt “normal”…whatever normal is!!! Normal is a very subjective word you know.

It’s been a very long road for me. Along the journey, I have lost numerous friends due to their ignorance of mental health. It is an invisible disease…and even though I’m well groomed with good manners….I would often act weird and be given a crude look. I don’t look sick!!! Hah….little did they know…..I’m more “normal” then they are I can tell ya!!!! I’ve had to walk the fine line between intelligence and craziness while introducing myself to my inner soul. Wow….am I ever glad I did.

If I had been given a choice between living with mental illness or not, I would still choose the journey I’ve been given. With my journey I have learned compassion, empathy, the meaning of life…the significance of friends, appreciation for each day, the value of my spirit and the ability to develop a good wholesome dose of laughter. I laugh a lot now. I laugh at myself and at the world. My illness doesn’t define who I am…but rather it is a part of who I am. Big difference. I’ve learned to accept and thus live with mental health and I’m a much better person because of it. Pity the people who didn’t stay around in my life as friends. They are missing out on the riches I have to offer to so many.

I’m an artist now…where that talent came from…who knows! The right side of the brain has taken over…and wow…what a ride!

I’m having the time of my life now… living with mental illness! Every day is a new awakening. I doubt my illness will get up and walk away….so I’ve chosen to walk with it!!!!

I encourage you to seek treatment, follow the program made for you and by all means share your mental illness with your loved ones and your friends, …….educate them and never ever be ashamed. I’m not saying your journey will be easy….no way….but it sure is worth it!!!! We, with mental illness are special characters and we have much to give and share with the “crazies” out there. Remember we’re the ones that are “normal“…...’cause we’re the ones with a firm grip on reality.

Oh and one more thing....I'm very proud to sign my name to this entry! I'm not ashamed.

June 18, 2008 at 4:24 PM
Anonymous said...

More often it is the other people that have the mental problems and the people that don't have a problem have their lives ruined because of it. Not everyone that gets medical care is the one with the problems.

June 18, 2008 at 5:12 PM
Anonymous said...

Mental illnes is hereditry. My mother suffered with mental illness all her life; she passed away before the age of 40. She used to run away from everything, including me, about every 6 months as she just couldn't deal with things.

I too have lived with mental illness most of my life. Similiar to another person who commented, I lost many friends due to my negativity. People don't want to hear bad stuff from others (especially often) cause it brings them down ; this is also a reason some suffering with the illness don't openly talk about it. Unfortunately there are many people who use either drugs or alcohol to help them cope with life (mental illness) and this is exactly how my daughters have decided to cope with it at this time. It is very difficult to watch your children go through the same pain and not be able to do anything about - they make their own choices of how to deal with how they are feeling. All I do is suggest councelling and for them to get on the road to finding the right meds; unfortunately, they don't listen. I have a daughter who is currently hooked on morphine due to this invisible disease. It kills me! Big problem with mental illness is it is not like a broken bone or clogged artery so it is very hard to diagnose and find the right solution.

That being said, those who do take the advice of seeking meds, remember, medication for mental illness is often required and should be looked upon similiar to a diabetic requiring insulin...and you can't stop after a while cause you think you are feeling better now and don't need them. I fought to not take medication until a few years ago as I didn't have much faith in them after watching my mother go through anti-depressant after anti-depressant without any success of getting better. Today I am taking an anti-depressant that seems to have made a bit of a difference so I encourage people to seek the help they need and to not stop if one method doesn't work for them. Every body is different and it may take a while to find the right meds but persistence should pay off. Remember, you have to sometimes fight hard to get what you need in this life and don't stop at the first failure, or even second, third, and so on failures cause in the end, only the person with the illness can and must help themselves.

June 18, 2008 at 5:25 PM
Anonymous said...

My husband has just recently been diagnosed as having bipolar disorder. After being hospitalized overnight, he was given three medications to start; with enough refills for an entire year. The problem is that the dosage needs to be adjusted and we do not have a family doctor. The prescribing doctor cannnot follow my husbands treatment plan. This means that he will run out of his meds (and it is strongly recommended that one does not stop theses meds abruptly) and noone seems willing to take my husband on as a patient. A doctor from a clinic in Ottawa refuses to help my husband; he keeps telling us "I am not your family doctor". We have been on the waiting list for a family doctor since 2000; consequently no one has followed the developement of my children either.
I have tried to find a doctor that can help but to no avail. I have left a message in the voice mailbox for the Royal College of Physicians and Surgeons, asking for help. Without a referral, from a doctor that is willing to follow my husband, no one seems to be able to help. He cannot access services at the Royal Ottawa because he has no doctor.
It seems that my husband will have to be in a crisis situation before he can access the help that he desperately needs. I am feeling very frustrated by the fact that every where that we look for help-it is not available for him. I am trying to proactively manage the meds situation by finding a willing doctor but I'm getting shot down at every turn.
We have been living through a very difficult time and I cannot see the end yet.
If anyone knows of a doctor or of a psychiatrist that could help us, I would be eternally grateful. I can be reached at
apscha122@yahoo.ca.
Thank you

June 19, 2008 at 3:29 AM
Anonymous said...

My son is afflicted with mental illness. My biggest pet peeve is when talk about adderssing the stigma attached to mental illness. they say that people who suffer do not seed help because of the stigma attached. This compels them to fight the stigma. Stigma is not the greatest threat to mental health sufferers, the lack of care is. Why would anyone risk the stigma when at the end of the day there is no actual help available. There are all kinds of therapies that could help that are not available in Ottawa. Our health care does not care. It is appathetic to therapies that can actually help and only push drugs. There has got to be a better way.

June 19, 2008 at 7:51 AM
Anonymous said...

First let me start by thanking Daniel Alfredsson for his thoughtfulness and courage in supporting this initiative.

I've read the articles that people around have written and I understood each and everyone of them. I've suffered from depression for many years and still do. For seven years I had been given various types of medication. I've been diagnosed as suffering from PTSD, bipolar disorder and chronic depression. Unfortunately due to the lack of doctors, I found myself with all this medication and no one to follow my treatment. I would manage to get into a walk-in clinic because of a severe outburst, then given medication and sent out into the world to deal with it myself. I almost lost my job, my marriage ended, pushed away some friends but the most damaging part is what has happened to my health. Although I am not on any medication now (by choice) everyday is a struggle. Those I work with see me as a happy go-lucky person who seems to have the world at her finger tips - but in reality it's completely the opposite. Most of my weekends are spent sleeping, crying and totally draining. Oh yes, and lets not forget the stigma attached to admitting to others that you suffer from depression - I've learned to ignore comments but I know that deep down it has affected the persception others have of me and my capabilities. Afterall you can't promote my career because I am considered unreliable now (so they think).

To all who suffer from this terrible, degrating mental illness, should a support group ever be created I would definately join. Not everyone is surrounded by family - My only family is my mom who is not in a position to help me. I have no spouse, no children, no sibblings. I do however have great friends and thanks to them I am still here today and haven't given in to the temptation of suicide. Everyday, I fight the demon within me. IT WILL NOT WIN!!!!

June 19, 2008 at 8:38 AM
Anonymous said...

My thanks go out to the Royal Ottawa and to Daniel Alfredson for addressing the issue of shame and stigma often associated with mental illness. I too have a long history of depression along with two other members of my family. If left untreated, it can and does claim innocent lives. My brother Bob committed suicide 18 years ago on the eve of his appointment with a psychiatrist. When I received the dreaded phone call, I was in hysterics because I had been contemplating suicide that very same day. I kept repeating that the wrong person had died! But, I was wrong you see,no one should have died! It took my brother's death to make me realize that life is precious and after many years of intense therapy, the right combination of drugs, admissions to the Royal Ottawa and a team of dedicated, empathetic doctors and nurses, I now lead a full life grateful for every day! My perspective has changed along the way. Everything means so much more to me now...the beauty of nature, the joy of watching my grandkids, the love my husband and I share. I also get to watch and appreciate the beautiful grandchildren that my brother would have loved so deeply had he survived this terrible illness.
I no longer feel the shame that I used to feel. Now, I'm a proud survivor of mental illness, a walking, talking example that it can be treated. I try to educate people at every opportunity. It is the ignorance and fear of non-sufferers that must be addressed.

June 19, 2008 at 9:15 AM
Anonymous said...

Thanks Alfi!

Depression

Depression is a sickness, true,
Of which not everyone has a clue:
Most often it’s misunderstood –
Thought of as laziness, which is no good.

Just as diabetes or bad heart,
So this, with ailments, shares a part:
But illness of the brain & mind,
Is hard to see or be defined.

This affliction, real, is in the brain –
Affects the mind & all thought train:
Concentration runs so low,
And victim’s memory oft will go.

One gets upset for unknown cause,
And may give way to cries, with little pause;
But, sometimes when the pain’s too deep,
The tears are locked & one can’t weep.

Sleeping patterns commonly change,
And appetites can rearrange:
Some people lose a lot of weight,
While others will increase their gait.

Digestive symptoms may occur –
Genuine pain, severe, one may endure;
Head aches, many a time,
And racing mind will not unwind.

The body’s actions usually slow down –
It’s hard to talk or walk around;
We’re tired, but cannot rest –
Our mind’s awhirl – black thoughts infest.

Enthusiasm customarily goes –
Int’rests in life, one may not know:
The victims may not even care
For those with whom our life we share.

Sometimes bad happ’nings of the past,
Increases – makes it longer last:
Traumatic incidents & grief
Causes all to seem hopeless – no relief.


The victims, generally, worthless feel –
Guilty, unwanted, with no zeal;
And in the cases, most severe,
Don’t want to live – of it won’t hear.

The turmoil racing in the mind
Is agony – can’t be defined:
So useless, miserable, in despair –
To exist at all, one doesn’t care.

Words can’t express depths of despair –
The ceaseless hurting one must bare:
The gloom of future, present, past,
In suffering, forever seems to last.

The chemicals & all the brain,
Are all messed up – must be retrained:
The mind gives messages, unreal,
To tell the body how to deal.

In the very critical kind,
The body copes, as tells the mind:
“Life’s desperate horror I can’t face –
I think I am a waste of space.”
(So without hope, on impulse, life may erase.)

Some people think: “If you pray,
Then, all these troubles go away.”
A leg stays broke through just belief –
And prayer, only, won’t bring relief.

For this disorder, there’s no control:
Alone, one can’t out of it roll;
It needs professional assistance
To right the condition – lift the spirits.

Having a doctor’s kind, capable care,
With understanding that is rare:
It may require therapy, plus, meds of sorts
And from the patient, all efforts.

Then, from family & friends:
Unjudging faith, to prayerful ends,
Patience, love, & trying to comprehend –
It takes all this, to help minds mend.

With hope,
Rose Rancourt (Dec/2001),
Accurately diagnosed with bipolar disorder - Type I, at age 16......40 years ago.

June 19, 2008 at 12:14 PM
Anonymous said...

Help or counselling for anxiety and depression (they often occur together) are available in most urban centers. These are two very common mental illnesses (among others) often treated effectively with a combination of cognitive-based therapy (which refers to changing your thinking styles and behaviours to improve your feelings and emotions) and medication. There can be many contributing factors to anxiety/depression, and many of them are shared by lots of people. If you have a broken leg, diabetes, or cataracts no one thinks twice about it, but mental illnesses are still viewed differently, and that's wrong. Even alcohol/drug abuse is better tolerated by society than mental illnesses. It's time to get informed and stop fearing this problem. Society will slowly catch on. Daniel Alfredsson should be able to help accelerate that - good on him. If you think you need help, have the courage to find it, and you (and others in your life) will be glad you did!

June 19, 2008 at 6:10 PM
Anonymous said...

when i was young my mother suffered a stress related mental breakdown after christmas. She felt that my sister and i were unsafe with my father and drove us to a relatives house until she stumbled apon a hospital miraculously on the way to drive us much farther the next day (she recovered fine). Within the next year my mother had another minor mental breakdown, followed by the self life ending of my schizophenic uncle. It took the entire family extensive efforts to face the truth of it all especially me since i had never seen him without his illness, never seen the "real" him. The most recent event to happen to our family was when my father was placed in hospital for the same stress related breakdown on last friday afternoon. Mental illness is hard to coap with on both ends but its campaigns like this and people like alfordson and many others that make us feel ok to move on with our lives...

n.k

June 19, 2008 at 6:31 PM
Unknown said...

I am a 10 year old kid. i have a anxiety problem. my mom and dad helped me by putting me with a anxiety dr. i help my anxiety by playing sports for example go to practice with my team mates in hockey,play road hockey and soccer with my friends. i mostly worry about storms. the things he has told me really helped my anxiety. you are my favorite player and i think that is really cool how you get nerves sometimes too.

June 19, 2008 at 7:20 PM
Anonymous said...

I have been very depressed for months. I find it hard to get out of bed in the morning, but do so because I have 2 kids and a husband and try to portray some sort of normal life. When I had a week off recently, I spent most of the day in bed. I'm inspired by every one's words and I will call my doctor tomorrow and try to get some help. I can't go on like this much longer. I hope I feel better soon.

June 19, 2008 at 8:53 PM
Anonymous said...

Dear Anonymous,
My heart goes out to you!! There are a lot of people out there who care about you, some you haven't even met yet!! I too hope that you will feel better soon! This disease is treatable and I hope that your doctor refers you to a psychiatrist with whom you can really relate. It was my third and current psychiatrist who proved to be THE ONE, gifted, tenacious and even more head-strong than I! Even when I gave up on myself, he wouldn't!Please keep posting...

June 20, 2008 at 7:44 AM
Anonymous said...

My mom is bipolar, dad occasionally suffers from depression, 1 aunt is bipolar and another clinically depressed...I'm often worried that how I manage or mismanage my stress is related to a genetic predisposition and it terrifies me at times. BUT I have seen what the worse case scenarios can look like and know that it the end, things work out if you find help and learn to manage your illness via meds, therapy, proper diet, avoidance of stimulants etc... Just thought I'd share...And for those who are suffering, if you don't want to get help for yourself, do it for your loved ones. The sooner you get back on track the sooner those around you can as well.

June 20, 2008 at 10:52 AM
Anonymous said...

Thank you Alfie, for lending your support to such an important issue! As I read the comments, I'm saddened that most people are still posting as 'anonymous', which speaks directly to the stigma that continues to be associated with mental illness.

I was diagnosed with clinical depression in 1996 and I decided, quite consciously, that I would talk about it. This was partly as a way to get through it, but also as a way to help those around me to help me. I found that for me it did not have negative repercussions to speak about it, even at work. To this day, any new boss I have is informed of my illness and it's impact on my work (when symptoms flare up). I have received nothing but support and it has made it easier to take a few days to get myself together when I need it.

It't not easy to talk about it, and it's risky at work, but it has to be done. It has worked out for me and I'm very glad that I spoke up because it has allowed other people to be open with me and to start a dialogue about such a prevalent, and completely misunderstood, illness in our society.

June 20, 2008 at 2:00 PM
Anonymous said...

My youngest brother is 28 and still lives at home with my parents. He's never worked, never learned to drive, and doesn't go out of the house much. He has a few friends on the internet that he plays computer games with. He has clearly suffered from a social anxiety disorder for many years.

Last September, he thought so seriously about committing suicide that he wrote a note, prepared a place to hang himself, but luckily became unnerved before he went through with it. When my parents got up that morning, he told them that he needed help and they took him to the hospital.

He was immediately put on a regime of medications, and some counselling, but I fear that he's not getting the support that he needs (in Cornwall). It seems that he goes to his social worker, and a group breakfast therapy session weekly, but otherwise he has gone back to the same routine of sleeping most of the day, getting up, playing the computer and watching tv. My parents believe that the crisis has passed, but I think they are ignoring the fact that much more needs to be done for my brother to get better.

I have tried to talk to my parents and to both of my brothers about this, because I've had my own struggles with depression and anxiety over the years. You can clearly trace a long history of depression in our family, but my parents won't even discuss it. So every day in that house it's the same routine: brother sleeping, mother and father doing their activities (they are retired) - day in, day out.

I just don't know what to do. My parents are very conservative and do not talk about feelings or personal things. They feel that mental illness is something to be ashamed of, so I think they are pretending that the problem is gone. When I try to tell them about my history my mother always says: "But that's impossible! You are so out-going and so successful!!" So trying to encourage my brother to go on disability or come up to Ottawa to capitalize on some better resources up here - even to get my parents to go to a support group or get counselling of their own...all falling on deaf ears. I've given up, and I fear that the worst will eventually happen.

Nonetheless, the You Know Who I Am initiative has given my other brother and I new hope that we can bring awareness of mental health issues to our family. We are big hockey fans (my brother is a big Sens and Alfie fan), so this has been a good way for us to initiate the dialogue again in our family. Maybe only a little bit right now, but perhaps more in the future. Maybe we can all learn more to help those that need help, and understanding.

June 20, 2008 at 4:08 PM
Anonymous said...

Got a message on my answering machine
Daddy's gone and shot himself again
Funny how it doesn't hurt anymore
Funny how I can go shopping in a store
Walkin' in the rain
Tears stain my cheeks
Little red streaks
Must not cry again
(The pain, the pain)
Funny how it doesn';t hurt anymore cry no more
He's such a bore.

I wrote the above poem after my father attempted suicide for the third time in February, 1988. He was plagued by the ravages of mental ilness and refused the help he so desperately needed. Ten years later in Octover 1998 he ended his life. Three days after his death I walked out on stage and gave the performance of my life, in a play oddly enough called Asylum, Asylum. His death was devastating to my family and everyone who knew him. But nothing we did could save him.
If we don't talk about mental illness the stigma will remain. There is nothing to be ashamed of. It's just an illness. If you need help get it. You won't regret it.

June 20, 2008 at 6:24 PM
Anonymous said...

To all those that have written here on this blog who have shared their problems associated with obtaining the right doctors, the right medications, the right treatments.

I will admit it is an upward battle. A really tough haul through our medical maze to obtain all that is needed for a patient.

My thoughts to you....fight, fight and fight some more. Never ever give up hope of finding the correct solution. It took me my whole life to find the doctors, the meds and the treatments. I'm 52. Hope for relief was all I had to go on. Never give up with searching for answers.....if you do....the illness wins and our loved ones lose.

Live with hope....please! and keep searching within the medical field for the answers you or your loved one needs.

One last thought I wish to share.....I respect the freedom of choice and the consciousness associated with signing anonymous as another lister has previously shared here.....in my personal opinion, perhaps remaining as anonymous individuals in society, we are perpetuating the stigma associated with this illness. If we remain in the closet...then we are part of the problem perhaps and not part of the solution. Food for thought no?

June 20, 2008 at 7:28 PM
Anonymous said...

I have so much respect for alfredsson. Finally a male elite athlete is standing up for mental illness the forbidden illness. I honestly don't know of anyone else of his athletic status showing this kind of support it's awsome really. God forbid a male athlete or any person show any mental weakness. Myself a 35 yr old male I grew up playing sports, going to gym's doing guy things full of testosterone I looked normal talked normal, but little did people know how much I suffered from anxiety episodes that lead to depressive episode as I became older and still coping with to this day. So many people just don't understand mental illness and it does not have to be this way. If more people like alfredsson would come out of the closet and speak out there would absolutely be less stigma and more help. This campaign is so positive because I believe if more kids with signs of mental illness are recognised and treated earlier there would be less suicide or pain and more life. One thing I've learned from my own experiences is there is always a better day no matter how bad times get. Don't give up think of the things you want to live for it's not hard if you try. If we can practice to play hockey, we can practice to be healthier.

THANKS!!! ALFY

June 20, 2008 at 11:35 PM
GS0Sunatori said...

Here is my very sad story...

http://www.hyperinfo.ca/Auction/SurveillanceAndSpying.html

June 21, 2008 at 4:13 PM
Anonymous said...

I was diagnosed with border personality trait last summer, after suffering from major depression for the better part of 15 years. I did not want to get out of bed, and I was having a hard time at work. I became suicidal for a while and was finally put on medication and received therapy. I have been living a normal, much happier life for over a year now. I want to thank Alfie for speaking out for his sister and the rest of us.

June 21, 2008 at 6:11 PM
Anonymous said...

I would love to share my thoughts and personal story on this matter. This is such an important issue and so grossly misunderstood. Just recently stories of a young, beautiful, bipolar girl who committed suicide and a notable local lawyer who spent 7 weeks in the hospital from this illness have been the topic of conversation. It seems to be more prevalent than ever. To have an intimate look at Bipolar disorder alone can be frightening and I am a witness to the depths of the 'dark place' in which it can delve, the pit of despair and hopelessness. I had the challenge of playing a Stephen King character once. Her name was Annie Wilkes from 'Misery' and she was frightening, my partner playing Paul Sheldon, Jason Gale, in real life was and is bipolar (classified type 2 bipolar disorder). As the run of the show progressed and the shows stresses caught up with him and his cocktail of prescribed psych meds (which is crucial to coping with this crippling illness) was being adjusted I was able to see the 'dark place' up close and personal. It was very scary and I wasn't sure if I could maintain the friendship. It was very disturbing to watch him change into this strange, self-loathing person who I couldn't recognize. I'm grateful that I educated myself enough to be able to accept the illness and its symptoms and keep the friendship in existence. He has since just finished an original work entitled "Type 2 - A Tragic Comedy" a one hour, minimalist play that will debut this July in the Windsor International Fringe Festival in Windsor, Ontario. It has such an important message and is so honest and intense. I truly believe that if more people were educated about the many layers and severities of mental illness the general public, the employers and government would be more apt to want to resolve this misunderstood disorder.

June 23, 2008 at 12:03 AM
Anonymous said...

It is Refreshing to know my childhood hero(Daniel Alfredsson)and I share something in common, unfortunately it could not be something that has nothing to do with a Damaged family member. My Best Friend,who is My Father, Barry Rawlins had a stroke two days before Christmas 2007 and was sent to a near by hospital in Anaheim California for treatment. I was in a religion class as i heard my name being called up to the front office of school. i saw my Aunt sitting there with a look on her face i had never seen before, she told me, "I'm taking you to Orange County, your father has had a heart attack and is in the hospital. I dropped my books got in the car and drove an hour and a half to Orange County. I got there and after being with my Mother and my Father's friends in the waiting room for 8 hours the doctor came out and said that my Dad would be fine, they would just have to hold him for a week or two to make sure there was no further damage to him. Two days later our phone rings at 3:00 in the morning, the hospital told us that he went into Code Blue and choked on the breathing tube in his throat, and it took them 27 minutes to get proper air to his head. We later found out that the night shift person and doctors paid no attention to what we told them, which was "Suction up the Flem in his thraot hourly, because he is a smoker and his throat will fill up and choke him to death". Basically they left him unchecked and out to die. He lived through the accident but became a paraplegic, and had a dead stare at the ceiling. The strongest person i have ever known in my life had been turned to a brain damaged mentally ill person. The Doctors said stick him in a home with a feeding tube, he is done. My family refused to believe so. My family lost all of our income and were forced to move out of California to Calgary, Alberta. After months and months of saying "never say die" my father has been slowly recovering by numerous miracles, he is mentally slow, cant walk, is deficient in everything, but he is in intense Rehabilitation and is slowly gaining back to his old self. Mentally he will never be the same again, but we have saved what matters most, his life and his love. i will never quit, and i am not ashamed to say i have a mentally ill Father, he is and always will be my Dad. Originally being from Ottawa i am a huge Senators fan, have been since age Four, sometimes i think the only thing that kept me sane through those months was The Senators Stanley Cup Run. i resided in Anaheim at the time, so i spent all the money i had left to take my Mother and I to Game 2 of the finals, wearing our Ottawa jerseys proudly, we were heckled, cursed at and humiliated by Ducks fans, The Senators lost that game 1 to 0 but it was a great experiencing my hero since the age of Six Captain a great team to the finals, i would one day like to thank Daniel Alfredsson personally one day for his inspiration, know knowing we have something huge in common, it would be great to one day talk to him in person about it, from one man to another.

My name is Nicholas Rawlins, i am 18 years of age, if anyone would like to share personally with me of their story.
the following links are here, you may reach me at.

Fakegov@hotmail.com
Myspace.com/osenators
http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/profile.php?id=1321521365

Thank you
-Nicholas

June 23, 2008 at 4:26 PM
Anonymous said...

Hi There,

First let me say thank you to the many, many people who work daily to bring mental illness out of the shadows. All of you who have shared your stories here, speakers Daniel Alfreddson and Heather Hannigar and the ROH, to name a few. My name is Lynne and I have been living with major depression, and accompanying OCD and anxiety for many years. It is quite hard to put 16 years of suffering into a few short sentences; to tell you my story in one or two paragraphs. As the youngest of three children, I started comparing myself to my older siblings when I was quite young. Living in a small town, I always seemed to be the odd one out. My sister and brother had many close friends who were from the same families, many of whom my parents also knew. I remember feeling lonely and somewhat depressed from a very young age. I believe that mental illness can run in families, though my parents would always mask their personal unhappiness and I learned to mask mine too. Severe depression started for me when I was bullied by girls in grade nine. I would run from school, cry in the bathroom, comfort myself with food and television. I think it was easier for my parents to think that I was lazy than to realize I was in trouble. I got through high school, but didn't have a normal experience. No good group of friends, school trips, proms, dances or graduation parties. My comparisons between myself and my siblings became more intense. My popular, athletic brother was off in University having a good time and making more friends, and my sister was moved out on her own by the age of sixteen. She attended an arts high school, hung out with funky friends and lived downtown. To this day, I still find it difficult to see a place in the family for me. A little corner that is just mine, that defines me. My siblings both have kids so they share that connection.Even though I made it through college and university, my depression brings on feelings of failure, hopelessness and a lack of self worth. I have hidden behind a smile and a bubbly personality for much too long. It's quite tiring. I am on medication and talking to someone, though it can be hard when it seems like the system isn't the best it could be. Even for people who do seek help, psychiatrists don't generally see patients who function - people like you and I who may have, or know someone with, a "less severe" mental illness. And, unless you can pay, psychologists are out of reach as well. Even though the bouts of sadness and hopelessness still come, I try to learn from this journey. I have learned to be grateful for what I do have, even if it's just sitting under a tree or smelling a flower. I wish everyone much luck on their journeys. Hopefully, together we can make a difference.

Thanks for your time,
Lynne Howell

July 1, 2008 at 4:46 PM
Anonymous said...

Sorry, one more thing - my story was published in the Ottawa Citizen and can be found by googling "Lynne Howell" "Ottawa" and "depression."

Thanks.

July 1, 2008 at 4:55 PM
mark said...

I am an adult of 48 years of age and I have been dealing with depression for over 30 years. I am married with two children and retired from the military with 26 years of service.

I have dealt with 9 major depressions over the years and I am on meds for the rest of my life.

I am not ashamed of my illness and I have the strength to talk about it. The more we talk about depression the more it will be understood and accepted as a illness and not more than that. I am willing to do speaking engagements on my experiences.

July 10, 2008 at 4:34 PM
Anonymous said...

Hi Mark,

Thanks for your comment. Like you, I have had far too many episodes of depression. I think it's so refreshing to hear people talking openly about the subject. It's just as painful as any other type of illness, yet so stigmatized at the same time. I am also willing to speak out about my experiences but have not had much luck. I definately applaude what people like Daniel Alfredsson and Margaret Trudeau have done, yet at the same time, wonder if only high profile people make the headlines ...

Stay Strong.

July 10, 2008 at 4:48 PM
Anonymous said...

Hi Mark, Lynne and all others who have felt brave enough to post their personal experiences on this site. One of the stories posted is my own. I totally understand the ins and out of depression. I am battling my 4th major depression. I was diagnosed with PTSD and bipolar disorder 7 years ago and have, by the grace of God, survived without much medical attention. It's nearly impossible to find any physician who takes on new patients. My G.P. has finally been able to refer me to a srink so I can benefit from therapy. Can you believe that as a new patient I can only get late night appointments (8PM) and this doctor apparently runs anywhere from 1 to 3 hours late on all appointments. Here I suffer from depression, can barely handle an 8 hour day, and now if I want help I will need to find a way to stay up nearly 18 hours (go figure). Don't take me wrong I am very grateful that finally I will be able to see someone, but man this ain't gonna be easy.

I spent the day today cleaning a friend's apartment. Although some may say "wow that's pretty boring" for me it was good. I got to spend time with my friend and felt love. We will never be more than friends, but that's ok because in many cases, friendship lasts much longer than relationships. It's weird because I haven't even told my friend what I am battling - why I don't know. He would never judge me because he likes me as I am, but he doesn't even know that inside of myself I cry all the time. Even when you see a smile on my face, it's usually a fake. Well before he wakes up from his nap, I best be off. Take care everyone and together we can all fight this terrible disease. Love to all.

July 12, 2008 at 3:50 PM
Anonymous said...

I completely empathize with you about the frustrations of battling, not only mental illness, but a system that isn't perfect by any means. If you can't afford to pay thousands of dollars, it is most definately almost as taxing to get help than having the illness in the first place. Including commutes, I work 11 hours a day. Doesn't leave time for much else.

July 12, 2008 at 5:56 PM
mark said...

Hi Lynne, we should try to come together and see if we can be more successful on speaking about our experiences.We could combine our resources and ideas to try to engage the community.

What do you think.

July 19, 2008 at 8:29 AM
Anonymous said...

Hi Mark,

Thanks very much for your message. I think it's a great idea to come together and brainstorm about possible avenues to get the message out. Like you, I am very willing to become an advocate for mental health, in any area possible.

July 20, 2008 at 5:07 PM
Anonymous said...

I have been diagnosed with schizophrenia way back in the early 1980's. I never tried to kill myself and only thought about that when exposed to the issue in the hospital. What did effect me a lot was the loss of friends both by moving on from high school and also moving cities. I have spent years alone. Then I attended a rehabilitation program at the Royal which sadly is now closed because of new management. I learned basic health skills and managing my symptoms with medication and other more practical management techniques like getting enough rest. There is so much to learn and so much that can be done beyond medications. Mostly I learned to be social again and set goals for myself. I started to attend consumer survivor groups and discovered new people skills and started to serve on boards of these groups helping us help each other. Besides medications, peer to peer self help and group therapy I did best by reading books in the public library about mental illnesses. I read about everything from panic disorders through depression up through substance abuse and down into alcoholism. I am now an informed consumer and continue reading more advanced studies in the university libraries. Not all the reading is good but by reading more of it I know what is good and bad and I can always ask my psychiatrist for help with my reading. Nowadays my wife and most of my good friends are peers I met in the consumer survivor movement. Survivor has a dual meaning it also means surviving bad treatment and abuse at the hands of doctors and pill companies. This sometimes happens too and by being an informed consumer I am less likely to be abused by treatment professionals. I can also much better manage my own health and be my own advocate. I am active on these issues in the community and you see me from time to time in the media about this. I am working, have a family I love and they love me. I am paying taxes and volunteering in everything from law enforcement to peer to peer self help back to arts and politics. We can recover and stay well and I do not like to focus on the negatives of my story but the positives. Like being trained with suicide intervention skills that have saved ten lives. I also really get wound up watching Ottawa Senators Hockey. Go Sens Go and thanks to the Captain for doing his bit here it helps us all help each other.

July 20, 2008 at 10:59 PM
Anonymous said...

Hi Lynne, On 20 July we had agreed to come together and get some ideas. Should we meet or what would you like to do. I would really like to talk to people about our experiences. I will be away on holiday for a week or so I will not be getting back to you right away but it will give you some time to think. Maybe we should share our email address

July 25, 2008 at 6:37 PM
Patty Anne said...

I am glad I am in such good company.

I have generalized anxiety as well as depression. It has been an interesting ride for me. I have learned so much. As many people have said before, I am not ashamed of this illness. In fact I embrace it. It has changed my life for the better. Anything worth having or knowing is obtained through hard work and believe me it was hard. I am on meds for life, but that is better than suffering all the symptoms that went before.

I will speak to anyone about this illness and have admitted to this in public. If people do not like it or fear it that is their problem. Not mine.

My sense of humour and most of all my dear friends kept me going. I looked upon it as a mountain to cllimb and I am, after many mishaps, on top of it Thanks to two wonderful doctors as well.

May 26, 2009 at 12:39 AM
Anonymous said...

I have suffered with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder throughout my life. It ebbs and flows in severity - mostly ebbs - but when it flows, it's awful. Thankfully I have been able to live a very normal, fruitful, and worthwhile life. At one point in college the OCD was horrific. I sought counseling and found Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to be the tool I needed to help me heal - that and a lot of prayer and support from friends and family.

Probably most eye-opening for me was one counseling session in which my counselor asked if my friends at school knew about my OCD. My answer was no. Then she asked if any of them would be surprised if I told them I suffered with it. After thinking about it for a minute, I had to admit, "yes, I believe they would. At the end of the day, I'm really no different than any of them." She said, "You don't know if any of them are silently suffering, too." It was that statement which helped me realize that many people suffer silently with mental illness - people who are perfectly wonderful, amazing, worthwhile individuals like you and me.

I am studying to be a Licensed Clinical Pastoral Counselor. I want to pay what I've learned forward to help others know there is help out there and there is no reason to be ashamed to ask for it.

Thanks, Mr. Alfredsson, for advocating awareness. God bless you and your sister - and the rest of your family.

November 17, 2010 at 6:26 PM

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